Truth and Love

All right, Mr. Blogger Sir, I'm inspired again. By what? Oh, by so many things. But let me get warmed up first by going back to last week when I spilt my guts to you in a very real way by saying that I'm detaching from my sister for the time being. Mainly because she's remained melodramatic and narcissistic well into her late-twenties, and having been absent only 8 years out of her 30, I've experienced enough soap-opera material to put Guiding Light to shame, and would really rather not digest any more. With that being said, I have to mention one teensy weensy yet particularly sad move on her part before I go on to speaking about what actually matters. I mentioned before that she blogs as well and has been posting things about me for the past week or so. I could copy over all of what she said, but I don't need the writer's block. She mostly said a lot of half-baked things. Few of them made sense, even fewer were honest, especially when they concerned herself. She spoke a lot of god (and I mean a lot) and also the action-reaction dynamic as seen through Christianity.

She claims to reflect on action-reaction often, though it seems if she had, we would not be in the situation we are in, but I can go on about that some other time. Something she said on her most recent entry opened my eyes quite a bit to her perception of things. After going on about her recent purchase of plane tickets to Africa, which she believes to be the will of god, she made a list of occurances that have been sent by "the enemy" to knock her off course in the same week. Apparently her behaving calously and my decision not to take it any longer was dramatic enough to make the list, though there's no way in hell she'd put it that way. Alas, I only made number three on her list. Check out my new label:

"3- My sister, who is not serving the Lord, etc gets upset with me, slings crazy amounts of insults, nothing I said or did would fix it. And now she is no longer speaking to me. - ironic that this all happened in one week,"
Mind you, I have not said one single disrespectful thing about her religion, and displayed nothing but support when she decided to move to Africa to do missions, even though I don't believe in the same things she believes. So when did I get simplified down into the prodigal sister/non-believer? When I stood my ground, and respected what I believed in. And isn't that always the case when dealing with radical people? I tend not to label myself, because I know that whatever I say I am is just going to distort the truth of who I really am, and what I really believe.

I used to call myself a Christian, and I used to call myself a Jew, and I used to call myself a Believer, but at some point those words drew a blank for me. I stopped believing that they told me anything about myself or anyone else. They are words, and names we attach meanings to and nothing else. And when I see gatherings of Christians or Jews or Muslims or Athiests or Buddhists, it's the same thing as seeing gatherings of Wandas or Jennifers or Tonys or Bills. They're just names, and I don't believe I can get any true impression of the people by what they call themselves. If you know I go by the name Abigail, what does that tell you about me? Only the name I go by.

But having grown up in a strict Christian house-hold, I have to add that there is a particular reason I don't call myself a Christian anymore. It's not just because I no longer believe Jesus came back to life and in so doing made it possible for those who know him to find inner peace. It's mostly because of the attitude that you seem obligated to take on after becoming a Christian. What attitude is that? The proselytizing attitude. The idea that those who believe in Jesus are on the right track just by believing, and have the task to spread the righteousness onto others, and convert them to their way of life. There's the belief that those who don't believe are simply wrong, either because they don't know any better, or because they are willingly throwing their life away. When they share their beliefs, it's not to cease judgment and replace it with love and kindness for their fellow man. They pretend it is. But the idea is to condescent and convince others Jesus is the only way into happiness. They say this is what the man who lived and died ages ago did for his fellow man, and this is what he would do today, if he was still alive. Which he is not. And they believe he would write you off as an un-believer in his little black book if you didn't follow him like a sheep. Though he spoke strongly against such attitudes. So why is this such a prominent attitude. Because they believe, above all else, they are right and others are wrong.

This mentality is what alienates and segregates people, it is the sin we are comitting. This is what blinds us from seeing clearly. We all want to know the truth, we are all searching for it, and we all come up with different results, because none of us are looking through the same eyes. None of us have lived the same lives, what is true to us cannot and will never be 100% true to anyone else. And we must respect each other's right to come to his or her own conclusions without the need to judge or agree, because other people's theories and ideas and opinions are just that. We don't need to compare everything we believe or doubt because we don't even know. And any attempt to display it to someone else will be inaccurate. There's nothing wrong with that, it's just what comes with having a man-made library of symbology as a tool for communication. It's flawed. It's us. There's always lost elements when we attempt to communicate with one another, but we can feel when someone is trying to communicate something coming from the integrity they have within them, because it's an integrity we all have, that we can recognize easily unless we keep ourselves from it. Our honesty, our courage, our faith, our imagination, our love that makes us who we are as human beings.

Love is acceptance without judgment. If you see someone who is not like you, and think they should be like you, you are not loving them. You are projecting your own opinions onto them, and disrespecting their right to be whatever they want. If you see someone different who is in pain, and think they would be better if they were like you, you are not loving them, you are not trying to heal them. You are trying to change them for your own personal reasons. You are faking love in order to manipulate someone. You are lying.

The stories in the ancient books can be beautiful and helpful, because they are written by people trying to share something important they've learned and pass it on. Whether it be in metaphor, or honest depiction, it's always just a story somebody wrote. It may be a beautiful story. It might be true, but we can't know it for sure because we weren't there, we didn't write it. So the best we can do is search for what feels right, instead of automatically assuming everything is.
Most of the wise people who lived long ago had this one message in common: You find heaven and peace by loving. That is the way, the truth, and the light. And we can fill our days with tradition and prayers and discipline but we are empty unless we see the need to love people equally as family. If we neglect to see we are all made of the same things, that we are one, together, no matter our beliefs, we are fruitless. Barren. We cannot produce love, no matter how many times we read a book or pray to fill the emptiness we've created.

Whew, I need to wind down now. I'm glad I got this out. I'm glad I'm following my heart and loving people and life as best as I can. I'm glad I'm not caught up believing distracting stories as much as I used to. I'm still learning to sniff out the fiction, but I am so looking forward to the day I will see life clearly. without the lies and superstition that distort it. I will finally see heaven. If I am labeled an un-believer by believing such a thing, I am proud. I am proud to say I am still learning, that I am still trying, that I am beginning not to believe in some abstract source of peace and strength, but tuning into what has been within me all along. The force that created the universe and this tiny planet that has the freshest air and the greenest grass and the bluest water needs no name. It lives beyond language and understanding, and when I remember that, I stop trying get knowledge. I only accept what is, and accept my cluelessness as a gateway to great peace.

Until next time

Abigail

"It is because you claim to have sight that you are blind"
-Jesus